Instead of Shame

Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.

Isaiah 61:7 ESV

The school bus for elementary children didn’t stop to pick me up. I ran as fast as I could behind it, trying desperately to catch up. Nothing came out of my mouth. My arms were flailing in hopes of getting the bus driver’s attention. The worst thing? I didn’t have any clothes on! Fortunately, it was only a terrible dream. One that replayed into adulthood.

What is wrong with me? When others looked at me it felt naked. I hid.

Shame. Shame told me I was worthless and unacceptable.

Eventually, I talked with close friends and Bible-believing counselors. Identifying the issue helped, but the dreams and hiding from others continued.

Years later, praying more honestly brought light into my darkened mind. I allowed painful childhood memories in: My oppressor confronted me. I stared at the floor as tears welled and escaped. Questions assaulted me. No answers came. My mind froze. My only response was, “I don’t know.” That fueled rage and ridicule. I couldn’t escape like my tears had. No one came to my rescue.

But . . . I brought my nakedness to God, my heavenly Father, and pleaded.

Pour Your Light into these painful memories, Lord! Show me the whole picture and Truth!

He did. He showed me through my mind’s eye that He had been there. Even though I didn’t know Him as a child. Jesus stood between me and the offender and faced me. He wept with me. He covered me. God completed and healed those memories. He hadn’t removed me from the trauma, but His presence and care make all the difference when I recall the memories.

I never had another dream of being naked. God gave me a double portion—instead of shame—like He had for the Israelites! Even better than a double scoop of ice cream!

Thank You, Lord!

Karen Sims