It’s Toxic!

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 13:20

We are to have compassion in our relationships, but what about that person who continually causes strife? The one that drives us to the feet of Jesus and to seek counseling?

A toxic person causes strife and drains us of energy. Dr. Abigail Brenner M.D. gives characteristics of toxic personalities in an article she wrote for Psychology Today (2016). Toxic people:

·          are manipulative. It is all about them, and they use others.

·          are judgmental and critical about what you’ve done or said.

·          don’t take responsibility for what they do or feel.

·          don’t apologize. It is always someone else’s fault. 

·          are inconsistent. They may change their behavior or perspective depending on what they want to accomplish,

·          make you choose them over someone else.

·          their behavior drives a wedge between you and others.

What happens when you’ve tried countless times to see this person through the eyes of Jesus and extend love and forgiveness?

My counselor once described people like this as “radioactive.” Webster’s defines it as “having or producing a powerful and dangerous form of energy; so divisive or controversial as to require avoidance.” That pretty much sums it up. If God calls you to persist in your relationship, here are some things my counselor shared with me:

·        Limit your exposure to only necessary times.

·          Have zero expectations.

·          Suit up. We need to be prayed up and walking with Jesus into each situation

·          If the core cracks, leave.

This relationship probably won’t ever be what I want it to be. However, Jesus is clear that I need to continue to love, bless, and pray for this person. The Apostle Paul was a great example. He blessed when cursed, endured when persecuted, and answered kindly when slandered (1 Cor. 4:12-13).

It is a challenging calling, one marked with tears and heartache. But Jesus sees our efforts, knows our hearts, and is honored by our obedience. 

Galatians 6:9 says, Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Sweet friend, cling to this beautiful promise. He is faithful!

Johna Clemons