Whoever fosters love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 17:9

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook offense.

Proverbs 19:11

My five-year-old grandson did not appreciate me good heartedly teasing his baby brother about spitting up all over his bib. “That’s what bibs are for!” he scolded me indignantly. I tried not to giggle at him and thought it quite sweet for him to take up for his brother.

Five-year-old children tend to take offense easily – food not exactly right, a lost toy, rain instead of sunshine. All these become the fault of the caregiver at the time. Usually, adults do not take offense of children, but instead, teach them how to overcome their disappointment.

What if the offender is not a child though? What if the person is an adult? One would think a grown up would know better than to say or do something intentionally offensive. How do we react? 

Proverbs tells us to react in love. Spreading gossip and rumors about friends only creates divisions. People choose sides in these divisions and friendships are ruined. The only person who should hear about the offense if it necessitates words is the offender and only if it can be shared about in love.

A friend’s curt short answer on the phone really hurt. Come to find out, she had a terrible day and my phone call did nothing to encourage her. After gently patiently explaining both of our sides of the story we had empathy for each other and carried on with our friendship.

Proverbs also tells us patience helps us overlook an offense. The other person may have inadvertently done something without even realizing it could be construed as hurtful. Ignoring the offense in this case could prove the best option.

Lord, thank you for the instructions you give us about relationships in your Word. Help us not to wear our feelings on our sleeves and to react to others with love and patience.

Susan P.