““For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways.” This is the Lord’s declaration. “For as heaven is higher than earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:8-9‬ ‭CSB‬‬

God teaches us through life circumstances, and He weaves his truth, grace, and peace throughout. I want to share what He has done and is doing in my life. It’s my testimony. Writing these words has been difficult. And I have been waiting for the Lord to complete the story before I wrote about it. But I feel that the Lord wants me to write even though the story doesn’t necessarily have an ending. 

About 15 months ago my daughter, who was a senior in high school at the time, got hurt. My daughter is a pole vaulter, and she’s a pretty darn good one. During the first meet of her senior year, she landed awkwardly on the mat. She hurt her knee. I prayed that it was just a sprain. But that was not the case. She had torn her ACL and required surgery. Season over. 

Moms, you know what it is like to wish we could bear our children’s pain. But we can’t. It just doesn’t work like that. Though I could not take away her pain, I surely felt it. There were so many layers to the pain. Physical. Emotional. Spiritual. My daughter was in position to go to state in her event that year. She was being looked at by colleges. And in a moment her dreams of what her senior season would be like just vanished. What I thought would be her season to shine was suddenly eclipsed. 

She grieved. We grieved alongside her. To be honest, my conversations with God at this time contained a lot of emotion. It was very hard to see that God’s hand could be in this. How would He work this out? Then I felt guilty for grieving and questioning. There were mothers who were dealing with FAR worse than this. But it was still devastating for us. 

One thing I learned was that God understands our grief. He can take all my emotions and my questions. I’ll be honest, I sat in these for a while. I went round and round in my bitterness and my “whys.” I knew that God was writing my daughter’s story, but I did not like how that story was going. A great friend said, “Even when we can’t see the hand of God, we can trust His heart.” Trusting God with my baby girl was hard, but slowly I was learning to fully trust Him. 

Lord, thank you that you walk with me down difficult paths. Help me to trust Your Heart even when I can’t see Your Hand.

Julie Smith